{read: more best friendship} Let's Take the Long Way Home by Gail Caldwell

As I was writing last week's review of Truth and Beauty by Ann Patchett, I realized I hadn't reviewed Let's Take the Long Way Home, another great story of female friendship that I mention in that review. In honor of the power of women and the ties that bind them, and in celebration of Women's History Month, here it is: my favorite memoir of female friendship. But be warned: It will bring you to tears more than once.

This heartbreaking story of friendship — between two women and between dogs and humans — is powerful and shattering. I first read Drinking: A Love Story, which is Caroline Knapp's memoir about her struggle with alcoholism. This book begins after that one was published and tell the story of the friendship between Gail, who fights her own battle with alcoholism, and Caroline. After seeing how Caroline viewed herself, it was surprising in some ways to see the different way that Gail perceived her. I think that reading Drinking first gave me a deeper insight into Caroline's character, although Let's Take the Long Way Home is the book that I loved.

Fair warning: the last third of the book will leave you in tears, yet the reason I read this it because I wanted to see how Gail made it through the loss of her best friend. How do you go on when you can't? As she says in the first sentence: "It's an old, old story: I had a friend and we shared everything, and then she died and so we shared that, too."

Let's Take the Long Way Home by Gail Caldwell (Random House, 2010)
My rating: 5 stars

{read: best friends forever} Truth & Beauty by Ann Patchett

This is the story of the friendship between Ann Patchett and Lucy Grealey and a reminder that all stories don't end happily ever after.

Lucy struggles with depression throughout the book, despite the success of her own memoir, and her psychological issues keep her from ever being able to be happy and enjoy what she has — an abundance of great friends, an amazing talent as a writer, and an outgoing personality. All she can see is what she doesn't have — true love — and it tears her apart. Even her romantic relationships can't measure up to the ideal of true love that she's set before herself.

Ann loves her and does everything she can to save her, but it's not enough. She answers Lucy's mail for her, serves as a safe house during a particularly difficult period of Lucy's life, and is always on the other end of the phone, ready to reassure her and try to fill the cavernous need for love that Lucy has. Yet in the end, despite all her efforts, Ann loses her best friend after 20 years.

This reminds me in some ways of Let's Take the Long Way Home by Gail Caldwell, which chronicles the friendship between Gail and Caroline Knapp. Both memoirs of friendship were prefaced by memoirs written by the other half of the friendship which focused on individual stories. The memoirs by Ann and Gail come later, after their friends have died, and focus on the friendship more than their individual stories; of the two, Gail's tells more of her story than Ann's does.

I'd recommend both pairs, read in chronological order if possible, to anyone interested in stories about writers, women, and friendship. Gail's memoir also has a strong dog theme running through it, as both she and Caroline were dog lovers and owners.

Truth & Beauty (Harper Perennial, 2005)
My rating: 4 stars

{read: memor/advice} tiny beautiful things by Cheryl Strayed

I've been on a Cheryl Strayed kick ever since finishing Wild, her memoir about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. Tiny Beautiful Things, a collection of her advice columns on life and love from The Rumpus, is fierce and intense. Best read in small bites, it tells both of the challenges Strayed has overcome and those that her correspondents are facing. In fact, it tells so much of Strayed's own story that it could be read as a memoir.

She dispenses advice with compassion but also a clear-eyed honesty. As she tells those who write to her, there is often no way around doing the hard thing. I found it impossible to put this book down and couldn't follow my own advice to read it in small pieces, even though sometimes I felt like I couldn't read another story about someone's heartbreaking life: the teenage girls and boys Strayed counseled who were abused by their parents and stepparents, the woman who was raped three times, the man who suffers from a disease that has disfigured him and thinks he'll never find a woman who will desire him, the father who lost his 22-year-old son and can't see a way to go on. Yet what kept me reading was Strayed's compassion, the stories of survival against what are sometimes overwhelming odds, and the promise that things will be mostly OK in the end. Yet be warned: Her answer to the last letter will break your heart, or at least make it crack a tiny little bit.

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed (Vintage, 2012)
My rating: 5 stars

{read: The first year} Some Assembly Required by Anne Lamott

Some Assembly Required is classic Anne Lamott. Her son, Sam, has a son when he's 19. Although she's not quite ready to be a grandmother yet, she embraces the situation as best she can - celebrating one moment and worrying the next. Modeled along the lines of Operating Instructions, which told the story of Sam's first year, Some Assembly Required tells the story of Jax's first year.

One major difference is that this book contains interviews with and emails from Sam to get his perspective on being a dad. While I enjoyed getting his perspective, these sections seemed a tiny bit more formal than the rest of the book - not much, just a hair off. My favorite parts were, of course, the ones from Anne's own point of view, and that's 90-95 percent of the book.

One of the reasons I love Lamott's writing so much is that she's not afraid to let us see her when she's in her neurotic, controlling phases -- and just as importantly, we get to see how she pulls herself out again. Breathe. Show up. Be present. Remember that you are not in charge. These are all lessons I need to be reminded of again and again, and she does so in a way that is entertaining, down to earth, and never preachy. While Bird by Bird remains my favorite, I would definitely recommend this book, especially for fans of Operating Instructions.

Some Assembly Required by Anne Lamott (Riverhead Hardcover, 2012)
My rating: 4 stars

{read: memoir? fiction?} Say Her Name by Francisco Goldman

This is written as fiction but it felt more like a memoir to me. After the tragic accidental death of his wife, Aura, Francisco Goldman writes this nonfiction novel about her life and their relationship. If you’re like me, the term “nonfiction novel” seems like a contradiction. Either it’s true (nonfiction) or not true (fiction). Perhaps I got too caught up with trying to label this book. I was struggling with trying to remember that it was fiction and trying to figure out HOW it was fiction -- what was true? what was made up? -- but then I just decided to go with the flow.

Overall, this book left me feeling depressed. Perhaps that shouldn't have been a surprise, given the subject matter, but I was hoping for more. I wanted to like Aura but came away with the impression that she was dominated by her mother and her mother’s ideas of how she should live and what she should be and do. Aura also came across as immature, but maybe it’s just because she was in her early 20s and she was still figuring out who she was. I wanted to like Francisco, but in some ways he also seemed immature, even though he was several years older than Aura.

If you have questions about this book, don’t miss the chance to see Francisco in person. Tour information is here, and he will be at Next Chapter Bookshop in Mequon, Wis., tomorrow (Wednesday, June 8).

Say Her Name by Francisco Goldman (Grove/Atlantic, Inc., 2011)
My rating: 3 stars

{read: memoir} And I Shall Have Some Peace There: Trading in the Fast Lane for My Own Dirt Road by Margaret Roach

Margaret Roach, formerly the editorial director of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, retires at about age 50 and moves from New York City to her weekend home in rural New York. Freed for the first time from the constraints of earning a paycheck and the strictures (and structure) of a workday life scheduled in 15-minute increments by her assistant--a life in which she was never hungry and in which she took the quickest showers possible because she couldn't even enjoy the luxury of a long, hot shower--she sets out to figure out who she is if she is no longer mroach@ marthastewart dot com.

This book has one of the most eloquent titles I've come across recently (tied with Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself by David Lipsky). I think most of us can emphathize with the struggle to define yourself (and find the time to define yourself) as more than just your work and your relationships to other people - wife, mother, etc. Who am I? Who do I want to be? How do I become that person?

I enjoyed this story, but I confess it took me until the book's final third to be able to slow my own internal agitator down and relax into the rhythms of the story.

And I Shall Have Some Peace There: Trading in the Fast Lane for My Own Dirt Road by Margaret Roach (Grand Central Publishing, 2011)

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

{read: bestselling memoir} Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott

This book is a classic and my favorite memoir about writing and life. Every time I pick it up, it is even better than I had remembered - and that’s saying something. I’m writing about it today because I’m going to see Anne Lamott tonight at Alverno College in Milwaukee (tickets still available for $16 +$5 fee, call 414-382-6044 between noon and 6 p.m.) . She’s on tour for the paperback release of Imperfect Birds (other tour dates here).

You may think that you wouldn’t like this book because you’re not a writer, but if you’ve ever faced a huge project that you’ve put off until the last possible minute, worried that all your friends were conspiring against you, eaten school lunches, or had your tonsils taken out, you’ll find something to relate to in this book.

Here’s one of my favorite parts. (Some background first: Pammy is Anne’s best friend, and she’s dying of cancer.)

We had gone shopping for a dress for me to wear that night to a nightclub with the man I was seeing at the time. Pammy was in a wheelchair, wearing her Queen Mum wig, the Easy Rider look in her eyes. I tried on a lavender minidress, which is not my usual style. I tend to wear big, baggy clothes. People used to tell me that I dressed like John Goodman. Anyway, the dress fit perfectly, and I came out to model it for her. I stood there feeling very shy and self-conscious and pleased. Then I said, “Do you think it makes my hips look too big?” and she said to me slowly, “Annie? I really don’t think you have that kind of time.” ( p. 170)

Anne Lamott is the kind of person who tucks an index card in her back pocket when she takes her dog for a walk in case she sees something that she wants to write down, but she folds it lengthwise so she doesn’t look bulky. Who wouldn’t love her?


Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott (Anchor Books Doubleday, 1995)
My rating: 5 stars

Welcome to {th}ink!!

Welcome! {th}ink is a breath of fresh air to help you move beyond your usual work/family/life routines. We offer a fun, easy approach to craft projects that you can actually finish in your spare time, as well as candid reviews of a wide array of fiction, mysteries, and memoirs. Come {th}ink with us!

Erin Young
Hi! I'm Erin, and I'm the co-author of {th}ink. I will share my thoughts on the books I'm reading -- what's good, what's so-so, and what you shouldn't even waste time trying to read. When possible, I'll also include upcoming author appearances for books I review. I'm a magazine editor for a nonprofit educational association, and I spend my spare time reading, playing with our two mastiffs, volunteering at the Elmbrook Humane Society, and watching movies and football.




Alicia Markey
Hi! My name is Alicia and I am the co-author of {th}ink. I will run more of the crafty end of the blog. As a Graphic Designer, I spend most of my time on the computer. I enjoy crafting by hand, but have limited free time. Most of my time outside of work is spent with my adorable one year old, Aaron, and my husband, Shawn. We enjoy an active lifestyle and are always on the run. This blog will provide busy moms, or any busy individual some creative short projects. Well, the projects might not be small, but we will take our time creating them step by step! I hope you enjoy the journey.